Have you ever realized who you are?
And part of me knows there is a lot yet to be known.
I am nothing. I am good at a lot of things, but not great at anything. I have messed up. I have made mistakes. I have broken relationships with friends and family. I speed. I tend to avoid the people who stink. I tend to look the other way when someone needs help if it would put me out to help them.
And I know that I am not alone. I know that you can fit yourself in some of those categories. You could probably add a couple that I could fit in too. We have messed up. Sure, it might be a consequence of the fall. It might be natural. It might be what everybody else does, but if you are anything like me, and I think you are, you feel like it is not enough.
We have messed up.
We have fallen short.
More accurately, I have messed up, I have fallen short.
And see, when that happens, when we mess up, there are a few choices that we could make. 1) I can either let that screw up define me and continue down that path that the mistake has set me on, or 2) We can start to realize who we are and live that out. Not who we are to us, but who we really are, the person that was written on our hearts to be, true to nothing else than what we were made to be.
The natural tendency is to travel down the road that is the easiest (that would be the first option). I want to do the easiest things. So i just keep doing what I have always done, which leads me to a place that is not good. It leads us to be people we are not. It leads me to be someone that I don’t know. It is a confusing and troubling place to be.
See, something happens at birth. We forget things. Or sometime between birth and that age that we begin to make decisions for ourselves, we forget who we are.
And so there I am.
Richard William Kohl. Born to Tim and Kim Kohl on the 14th of March in Oklahoma City.
Almost 23 years later. Unsure of who I am.
As it turns out, through the course of life I took up the habit of cutting my own hair. And so there I am. Head shaved. I clean up my mess and hop in the shower to rinse the hair off of me.
Have you ever felt uneasy? Like something is going to happen? Ya, it was one of those moments.
The wierdest thing happened.
I smiled. In the shower. And I couldn’t stop.
And then I got out. And I couldn’t stop smiling. I didn’t understand it. The haircut was good, but it wasn’t that great.
It was then that it hit me.
Even though I have screwed up. Even though I have broken relationships. Even though though I speed. Even though I avoid the smelly. Even though I avoid those in need. Even though I have a list of “even though’s” God loves me. Not for any reason other than I am me. I have value in him.
For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8 ESV)
Even though we were still enemies of God. Even though he was not even a thought in my mind, he died for me.
I am worth something to God. He wants me. He values me.
And not only does he want me, he is pursuing after me. He desperately wants to be in relationship with me.
So I smile.
Even though I may be used up. Even though I have compromised. Even though I may have broken relationships. Even though my tendencies have missed the mark. Even though I may not be of any value, or a cheapened value. Even though . . .
The love of God, the way God pursues me, the way God pursues you, the way God pursues us, that gives us value. That gives us worth.
So who am I?
I am just that kid with the stupid grin on his face because I have value, because even though I was his enemy, Christ died for me. God so passionately loves me not for anything I have done, not for anything I can do, not for anything I have, but simply because I am me. That is enough for him.
My question to you is this, do you know who you are? Can you smile about who you are? Do you realize that you are loved, not for anything you can do, just simply because you are you.
Kinda brings a smile to your face huh?